Father Tim Lemlin
There is nothing wrong with any of these preparations. Each can be helpful at different times in our lives. All, however, can be easily misunderstood to mean that we can prepare ourselves for God. We can't. All can be misunderstood as language of ascent. We make straight the way in the desert, leveling the hills and raising the valleys. We conduct ourselves in holiness and devotion. We repent from our sins. If we are honest with ourselves we know that though we try, we can do none of these things for very long.
No, the language of these readings is not of ascent but of descent. It is God who is preparing the way through the desert for the returning exiles whom God has freed. It is God who enables us to conduct ourselves in holiness and devotion. It is God who, through forgiveness and love, transforms us - brings about repentance. God doesn't love us because we have repented. God loves us to make it possible for us to repent - to change. God doesn't need us to change to love us. Ironically, it is only when someone doesn't need for us to change, that we are free to change.
The way in which God can do all of these wonderful things for us comes through our searching. Most of us are continually searching. Unfortunately, it is usually in the wrong places. We are attracted to those things that make us feel good. This is not bad. This is good. Too often, however, we settle for something less than what God desires for us. We try to remove from our lives anything that causes us discomfort or suffering. Instead of participating in (walking through) what is happening to us at this moment, we look to alternative ways to achieve what we desire.
The way of participation is rarely easy. It most often means some level of suffering. Yet, if we try to get rid of that which causes our suffering too quickly, or we try to hide from those things we hate about ourselves through the use of drugs, alcohol, conquest, or acquisition, we begin to kill our true-self, believing that we are eliminating our false-self. We can't hide from God who dwells both without us and within us. I can fool myself for a time, but soon the awareness that I am living a lie makes its presence known.
Participation in daily events as they unfold leads us to see God in all things. We begin to understand and accept that everything belongs. Nothing is wasted by God. Trusting God can only come about by our knowing with our mind, body and soul that we are loved by God.
When you pray, try to entrust yourself to a few minutes of silence (five, ten, fifteen, or twenty). You might feel out of control. Your mind might have hundreds of thoughts race through it. You might seem to remember that you were supposed to be doing something at this very moment. The urge to do something - anything - might feel overwhelming. The sounds of your home or outside might be exaggerated or even annoying. Usually if you have a sacred word, such as "Jesus," or a phrase, such as "Be still and know that I am God," it makes it easier. If you can gently keep yourself in those silent moments, trust begins to grow. The universe begins to seem more friendly.
Preparation by participation (this might include many of the things that we are already doing) can help us to be more aware that: I am loved by God who dwells beyond me and within me.
